Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
