Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your penis caused this!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
