The maid of honor just puked.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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