I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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