highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
