I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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