Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
