i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize