you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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