well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
