i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize