if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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