11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
