I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
