I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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