no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
