i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize