i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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