I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
