How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
