You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
