I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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