I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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