i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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