I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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