Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
