I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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