I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
