we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
