im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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