It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize