i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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