I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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