So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
