my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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