I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
