Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
