I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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