I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
