Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Floor bacon is actually really good
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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