I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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