Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize