First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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