I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
