did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
