It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize