is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
