Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
