its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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