So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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