All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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