Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
