You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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