My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Couch. On fire.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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