first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
NoShamevember. You game?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
