apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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