made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
