Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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