I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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