Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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