you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
