So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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