why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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