Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
