Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My vagina just recognized that song.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize