its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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