If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
