Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
