i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
