Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
