i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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