you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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