lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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