Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
