Someone shit on the floor
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
