So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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