I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
