Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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