Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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