so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the condom got lost in my hair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
