I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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