Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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