she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
