He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
