Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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