Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
