If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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