i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
