In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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