i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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