Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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