Your face is a jimmy john
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
