3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize