so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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