I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
