everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
