we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
