my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
