I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
