she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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