I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
