so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
