I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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