I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
