i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
