i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
