Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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