Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
