I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
