The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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