Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
