4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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