we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
