I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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