kristin has been a bad kristin
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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