Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
