I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize