Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
