fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
