She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
